You can paint the outside in all your favourite, pretty colours, but inside the jug, the milk will forever be sour.
Riiight...
where to start? lol.
I guess I might as well just write this like a diary type thing.
I never think there's that much to know about me but I guess that's only because I don't usually tell people most of it. The two main "issues" in my life as of now are self harm and anorexia. I've never actually been diagnosed with anorexia and there's part of me that's still thinking 'nooo i dont have anorexia, don't be silly'. But even i have to admit that alot of my habits are very anorexic-like. I skip meals when I can, I VERY rarely eat more than 100-500 cals a day. If I eat over 300 I usually feel the need to throw it up. Although I've never done this as, because of my low blood pressure, I have a tendency to faint every time I throw up. So I avoid a calorie intake of over 280 a day. I chew gum most of the time to kill hunger, also helps keep me from eating because having a mint taste in my mouth puts me off food. I also brush my teeth often for the same reason. I jog, walk, jump rope, do situps, pushups and weightlifting every day. I'm also taking up yoga, dance aerobics, belly dancing and tai chi in the next couple of weeks. My current weight is 112lbs, I'm 5ft 1in, and my goal weight is 95lbs.
Self harm is something I've been battling with for a long time. 6 and a half years in fact as I started when i was 10 and I'm 17 in just a couple of months. It's scary to think I've been injuring myself for nearly half my life. I find that fact quite sad. I was clean of it from february 25th till june 24th and then i relapsed and since then i've been relapsing very badly. I currently have 72 cuts on my arm from just 2 days. The only thing I hate about self harm is the scars it leaves behind. If I could cut myself and have the cuts heal completely and not leave a mark I'd do to my hearts content. My old scars had just begun to fade away and now I've gone and made more so it will be at least another year until the new ones have paled out to the extent the old ones are. I really need some good products for scar reducing but all the good ones are sooo expensive it's ridiculous. Nothing I use seems to work. Bio-Oil is crap with added bits of crapness ¬¬ I've tried straight wheatgerm oil which is slightly better. There's a type of gel you can get for scar reducing which is meant to be really good but it's expensive. I'm also tempted to go to the Dr and see about getting a chemical peel. They're meant to work wonders for scars. But I can't risk my family finding out :(
I'm really not sure what to do.
I'll write more later xxx
where to start? lol.
I guess I might as well just write this like a diary type thing.
I never think there's that much to know about me but I guess that's only because I don't usually tell people most of it. The two main "issues" in my life as of now are self harm and anorexia. I've never actually been diagnosed with anorexia and there's part of me that's still thinking 'nooo i dont have anorexia, don't be silly'. But even i have to admit that alot of my habits are very anorexic-like. I skip meals when I can, I VERY rarely eat more than 100-500 cals a day. If I eat over 300 I usually feel the need to throw it up. Although I've never done this as, because of my low blood pressure, I have a tendency to faint every time I throw up. So I avoid a calorie intake of over 280 a day. I chew gum most of the time to kill hunger, also helps keep me from eating because having a mint taste in my mouth puts me off food. I also brush my teeth often for the same reason. I jog, walk, jump rope, do situps, pushups and weightlifting every day. I'm also taking up yoga, dance aerobics, belly dancing and tai chi in the next couple of weeks. My current weight is 112lbs, I'm 5ft 1in, and my goal weight is 95lbs.
Self harm is something I've been battling with for a long time. 6 and a half years in fact as I started when i was 10 and I'm 17 in just a couple of months. It's scary to think I've been injuring myself for nearly half my life. I find that fact quite sad. I was clean of it from february 25th till june 24th and then i relapsed and since then i've been relapsing very badly. I currently have 72 cuts on my arm from just 2 days. The only thing I hate about self harm is the scars it leaves behind. If I could cut myself and have the cuts heal completely and not leave a mark I'd do to my hearts content. My old scars had just begun to fade away and now I've gone and made more so it will be at least another year until the new ones have paled out to the extent the old ones are. I really need some good products for scar reducing but all the good ones are sooo expensive it's ridiculous. Nothing I use seems to work. Bio-Oil is crap with added bits of crapness ¬¬ I've tried straight wheatgerm oil which is slightly better. There's a type of gel you can get for scar reducing which is meant to be really good but it's expensive. I'm also tempted to go to the Dr and see about getting a chemical peel. They're meant to work wonders for scars. But I can't risk my family finding out :(
I'm really not sure what to do.
I'll write more later xxx
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